Lies. Deceit. Anger. Disappointment. Sadness. Heartbreak. Frustration.

You weren't mine and I knew you never would be but that doesn't change the fact that my heart is in pieces because of you. I want to forget but that can never happen after everything I have been through...after everything we have been through. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't breathe. I can't see straight. I'm at a standstill and my mind is just wondering, but not giving out answers. I want to move on because you don't deserve me in your life but why do I not listen to myself? Why do I stick around and continue to get hurt? 

I feel weak and alone right now and the world is caving in on me. I'm lost and I can't find my way. I'm disoriented and cannot concentrate. I lay down and curl into a ball while tears roll down my cheeks. Once there are no more tears to be made, I fall asleep and begin to dream. I dream of a better tomorrow and a place where I can be myself and find love. I dream of that happy ending that everybody wants. I continue to dream and find a new life in my mind where I stay for the rest of eternity...

Do you miss her the way you miss me?
Do you think about her the way you think about me?
Do you fear losing her like you do with me?

Look into my eyes and if you say yes to all those questions, then I'll walk away.
Not because I have given up but because I'm no longer needed in your life.
I'll be strong for the both of us and let you go so you don't have to choose...

My Promise

 

I will be by your side…

I will have your back...

I will support you…

I will continue to care for you…

I will forever remember you…

And I will always love you…

No matter what happens.

 

 

I was laying in bed trying to get some sleep and some random sentences kept popping into my head. I put them into my phone but realized I wasn't going to get any sleep until I actually shared them. It's late so I want to know from you guys if this poem makes sense. I cannot decide myself and I am not one to normally write poems. Once you read it, please let me know how you interpreted it and if it makes sense. Comments are greatly appreciated! The poem is called My Weakness

My Weakness

Those pretty blue eyes...that is my weakness.
When they well up with tears...that is my weakness.
The constant fight to keep me around...that is my weakness.
Your comments, although it may be flattery...that is my weakness.
The way you hold me tight and tell me everything is going to be okay...that is my weakness.
Your optimism that sinks its way into me...that is my weakness.
The way you make me feel...that is my weakness.
The reason I get up everyday...that is my weakness.

You're the strength when I'm weak.
You're the light when it's dark.
You're the hope when it's lost.
You're the love when I feel alone.
You're the bravery when I'm scared.
You're the fighter when I'm giving up.
You are my strength...but does that also make you my weakness?

I wanted to talk about a really good book. This book is no ordinary novel but a "speak your mind, unload your questions, and figure out what it means to be human" kind of book. It is titled SoulPancake written by Rainn Wilson. I'm not one to like philosophy which essentially what I thought this book would be about...trying to answer life's big questions. Instead, I found it to be enlightening and made me really think about the answers to some of the questions asked in the book. It also has an array of various quotes per page and anyone who knows me knows that I'm a sucker for a good quote :) It has poems, pictures, facts, activities to do, and just some of the topics include 'the soul,' 'creativity,' 'emotions,' 'religion,' 'love,'identity,' among many others. Below I included some questions that made me really ponder the answer as well as amazing quotes and activities that help me understand life a little better. Enjoy!

Does every question have an answer?

"Man is a being with free will; therefore, each man is potentially good or evil, and it's up to him and only him (through his reasoning mind) to decide which he wants to be." -Ayn Rand

List 5 questions you hate not having the answers to.

Is an idea ever really original?

"Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things." -Ray Bradbury

What mistake do you keep repeating? What's the biggest mistake you've ever made?

"A man's errors are his portals of discovery." -James Joyce

Is happiness a choice?

"A hidden connection is stronger than an obvious one." -Heraclitus of Ephesus

How do you know if a friendship is healthy?

"The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love." -Hilary Stanton Zunin

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

What's 5 things you can learn from a 5 year old?

Would you want to know the exact moment you are going to die?

I would continue but I don't want to ruin the book for you!  I recommend getting this book...it changed the way I view things and was a great, easy-read that I finished in one sitting.There is also a website: www.soulpancake.com.

Should I? Or shouldn't I?

I've been put in this difficult situation that has so many ways of looking at it. I'm aggravated and mad about one point but then something positive pops into my mind. I finally made a pros and cons list. Those normally never work for me since I over-think every statement I add to it, but this one actually turned a light bulb on in my head.

So the list had to do if I should keep a friend around or not. First clue that I should was that I could start with the pros column and I added to that for a bit. Then I moved over to cons which surprisingly was a little more difficult even though I am beyond pissed at him. It seemed that every 'con' I typed out, I added 2 more pros. I stood back and asked myself..."are these 2 simple lists (that I put together in 5 minutes) telling me the answer I've been trying hard to desperately find in the past 3 days??" I continued to add to the list and again, 1 con= 2 pros. I think I have my answer but I don't know if I want to accept it quite yet. I get to thinking about the overall picture and adding the level of positivism and negativism. Is one of the cons so bad that it technically equals 2 or 3 of the smaller pros? There I go again with over-thinking it, but am I actually over-thinking correctly this time, if that is such a thing. There is still a tiny bit of doubt I have but I really am stumped on this one.

What do you think??